Socializing with Native Spanish Speakers

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Socializing in Spanish{: .align-right style=“width: 500px” }

Learning a new language has been challenging for me. Some days I feel that I understand everything, and others like I forgot all my Spanish.

I have been speaking Spanish since moving to Mexico for almost a year ago. Although there are a lot of cool videos, books, and everything else on how to speak a new language quickly, I don’t believe that to be possible – that is: to BECOME FLUENT NOW™ is a lie. Sure there are tips as well as differences in ages and cognitive abilities, but I do not think you can skip the hard work. And part of that is to socialize with native speakers.

Speaking to a lot of foreigners and native Mexicans, I have noticed a common theme in myself and them: we all have some level of embarrassment over speaking to a native speaker in a language not our own. For me these feelings seem to linger, but my action depends on my mood. My mood depends on my thoughts and physical state. This is almost circular, but there are parts that I feel that I can control: some bits of my own physical state and how I choose to view thoughts long term (initially the emotional reaction seems involuntary, but I choose if it bothers me beyond that).

For me, reframing some of my own negative thoughts and taking minimum actions help me get the momentum going to get socializing. What follows is a collection of advice given to me as well as my own thoughts.

We think it matters what we say, but it does not~

Overthinking the perfect conversation seems to be the quickest way to stop me from ever socializing. From my experience, as my language abilities have improved, so has my overthinking to be perfect in speaking. But I remind myself that not only is Spanish not my native language, but also I did not start using it until I was well into adulthood (after any sort of cognitive bonus that adolescents have with learning languages has been lost on me).

So what is Overthinking to me?

Anxiety, high expectations, high pressure, desire to be liked, etc. – all of the sort of classic insecurities. I don’t think these things can be eliminated nor should they be hated or feared – what good does that really do me anyway?

Reframing the thoughts & taking the pressure off

What I’ve found actually matters is INTENTION. As in, going in with a positive intention (or “pre-thought” we could say):

  • I wanna have a good conversation with this person
  • I wanna get to know her and see if we vibe!
  • I give myself permission to suck and know that it’s OK if I’m not perfect. Everything will be OK

1) Going in with a Positive Intention

I also try to think of “intention” as well. For some, this might sound unnecessary or too New Age/hippy-dippy, but I feel that my own thoughts are often time the greatest limiting factor that obstruct me. Going in with a positive INTENTION is all that really matters. I would like a positive outcome for us both, but if not, I (or them) can leave at any time.

A really good intention that helps me is “I have no expectations; only curiosity” or that “This is all one big experiment – I can make mistakes”. I really enjoy this idea since we can truly only control our input but not the output of circumstances.

Or “I’ll just see what happens”

Or “No matter what happens, everything will be OK”

2) Innocence (or autistically honest)

Mental reframing:

I’m not behind nor have to catch up…. I’m going above and beyond – I’m just talking and being honest to people

Or a more mechanical approach

Sometimes, the framing stuff does not work, so I need to just “do” something instead of thinking of my thoughts. Give the warmups 5-10 minutes for each section and then go to direct action in the last section.

Warmup: INTERNAL

  • Listen to music
  • Eye contact + smile with people while walking around

Warmup: EXTERNAL

  • Greet (Hola, Buen día, Qué onda)
  • View everyone as current friends or lovers
  • Give the vibes of “love” to everyone

Direct

  • Ask questions
  • Compliment on non-beauty characteristic
  • Make positive assumptions
  • Simply ask:
    • “I’m new here… what’s something I should see?”
    • “Well hey I don’t have much time, but let’s get a coffee sometime”