Reflections on Latest Insomnia Cycle
What’s up folks
Alright, so I’ll admit I had typed out my journal by hand. I was getting very close to hitting submit when I did the classic “click the wrong button or some shit,” and the page refreshed without saving my journal. So, here I am dictating this as a voice message and using ChatGPT to clean it up so it’s more intelligible.
News and Updates
I’m back from Santiago and here in Mexico, settling into my normal life again. I think I just finished an insomnia cycle as of last night. For the first time in over a week, I feel good.
I’m going to journal and analyze my insomnia cycle here. I believe I’ve written about this before, but I’m doing it again mainly for myself. If anyone else has similar experiences and wants to share tips, feel free. However, I’m not necessarily looking for advice.
Background on My Insomnia
I’ve officially been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and insomnia disorder. What does that mean for me? Since my time in the military (over 10 years ago), I’ve been experiencing cycles of insomnia. These occur every three to six months and last one to two weeks.
During these cycles, no matter what time I go to bed, I wake up between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. Most of the time, I can’t go back to sleep. If I do, it’s much later, and even then, the sleep quality is poor. As a result, I feel tired, experience brain fog, and have joint pain.
Treatments I’ve Tried
Over the years, I’ve tried various treatments, mostly CBT-related therapies. They help to some extent, but none are silver bullets. I’ve also talked to doctors about pharmaceutical options but decided against them. The side effects seemed worse than the insomnia itself.
Most insomnia medications essentially tranquilize you. You’re unconscious but not truly sleeping like a normal person. This just leaves you more tired and worn out. I find no reason to stay in bed longer, sedated but not rested.
Analysis of the Latest Cycle
This cycle felt unusual, but I think I know why it happened. I have an upcoming ayahuasca retreat, and part of the preparation involves following a specific regimen for the ceremony.
Over the past two to three weeks, I’ve been avoiding vices like porn, alcohol, drugs, caffeine, and weed. I’ve also been eating healthier, cooking for myself, and avoiding junk food. There’s even advice to abstain from sex or masturbation. I haven’t followed this perfectly, but aside from food and sex, I’ve adhered to it.
For example, it’s been three weeks since I last had caffeine. So, in theory, I’ve been taking excellent care of myself, better than I have in quite some time.
Faults in My Routine
Despite these good habits, two variables stood out as problematic:
- Inconsistent Bedtime: Coming off my Santiago trip, I didn’t stick to a set bedtime. Some nights were late due to parties, which disrupted my schedule.
- Anxiety Management: While anxiety is part of who I am, I could have done more to manage it. Journaling and meditating help, but I’m inconsistent with these practices.
Reflection and Acceptance
I’ve dealt with these cycles for over 10 years, and while I used to hate them, I’ve grown to accept them. Viewing them as a problem only made them worse. Acceptance has reduced my anxiety about the cycles and helped me let go of resentment toward them.
Sometimes, I even find benefits in waking up early—like the calm and peace of a quiet morning. However, this only applies if I’ve slept well beforehand, which wasn’t the case this time.
Moving Forward
Here’s what I plan to do:
- Bedtime Routine: I’ve ordered an Oura Ring to track sleep and provide suggestions for bedtimes and wake-up times. I’m also prioritizing my upcoming sleep study to rule out or address sleep apnea.
- Journaling: I’ll continue writing in my journal every other day, as I find that frequency enjoyable.
- Living Environment: Later this year, I’ll move to a new living arrangement with one roommate and one dog instead of three roommates and a dog. I expect this will improve my environment, especially for sleep.
Current Sleep Aids
At night, I use a sleep mask and sound machine. When I travel, I use earplugs. At my apartment, I sometimes combine earplugs with the sound machine if there’s extra noise.