Taking Ownership of my Reactions on the Street
3 minute read
Today, I had an interesting realization, though it’s not exactly new. I’ve been carrying all these assumptions in my head about how strangers in the street are treating me. I start thinking things like, “Why are they looking at me like that? Why do they stare at me weird?” But the reality is, if I look at someone and say “Hola,” almost every time—more often than even in the U.S.—I get a super positive response.
This made me realize that the issue is in my head. The first step is admitting that the problem is mine. It’s not about them; it’s about how I’m reacting to the situation. Sure, it’s a negative framing, but that’s why it’s a call to action. Negative things tend to push us to act. So, I have to recognize it’s my issue, and taking ownership of it is the grace that helps me move forward. Just owning up to it is a positive reframe in itself.
Beyond that, the next step is to take action. It feels good to take ownership and follow through with something simple, like just saying hello or giving a friendly nod. It’s half the battle. If I’m not in a hurry, I could throw in a compliment, like “I like your clothes.” It’s all about stacking positive actions.
Another way to look at it—though this might not be the perfect framing but it works for me—is to realize that when women look at me here, it’s not always negative. They might have a neutral or even a grumpy expression, and it’s just normal. But then I catch myself thinking, “Why aren’t they smiling at me? Why don’t they roll out the red carpet and kiss me?” which is, of course, absurd. What am I even expecting? These are just normal behaviors or maybe societal programming. I’m a white guy in Mexico, so of course there’s going to be a bit of a different reaction. It’s almost the reverse of what I’d expect in the U.S., but ultimately, it’s the same thing in a different context.
So, can I really blame them for their initial reactions? It’s all about those split-second reactions we can’t control, influenced by biology, behavior, and societal programming. The key is to give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s not their fault, and I have to own my part in how I respond. If I don’t like the way they look at me, that’s my problem. The solution? I greet them, maybe smile—even if it’s a forced, awkward smile, it’s better than looking grumpy. After all, I’m complaining about them looking at me that way, so if I give them the same, that’s on me. It’s my responsibility to change that dynamic.