Settling
3 minute read
Ktranza knrls, I made it. I survived. I’m in my new place finally, and I love it already. My old (and future) roommate and I talked with our landlord to talk out any issues, and we’re all good!
I ordered pizza for everyone, and we shot the shit last night. I already feel good and happy being here – so it feels the right decision. I’m temporarily sleeping in the living room, and I’ll move in a room when the other guy leaves Tuesday. This will be a good environment for me: all in Spanish (or Portuguese since the landlady is Brazilian). The landlady knows me well enough that, without me asking or provoking her to respond in anyway, she looked at me told me I’m welcome to bring back any “morras” (girls) that I want to f#$@, and they can stay the night – she just doesn’t want them living here permanently.
I’m honored to know that I have this reputation lol – she’s super awesome; kinda like a cool aunt. I’m still very frazzled these days, but it’s not a problem. I know this is a sign I need to settle and stop being all over the place.
My old roommate has a cool Mexica myth/spiritual explanation that I think you guys might like: He says when the soul doesn’t know where it would be laid to rest because one lacks a home – it is a sickness of the soul. I’ve had weird dreams over the last month and felt generally disorientated about: am I living in the US again, am I kid again, am I married again, am I living in this or that place in Mexico again, am I in the military again, am I with this old girlfriend, am I in school??? – all along with my normal, weird dreams (that I dearly love).
When I would awake, it would feel weird – who am I today and what do I have to work on? I guess the a calm answer is: I’m whoever I wanna be and can do whatever I wanna. BUT, the sensation from all this has been very odd to live with – not bad or good – just very disorientating.