Packing Day And More Reflections

Kepedo hermanos, yesterday I had another wonderful day – went out to the big park, read a lot, and met up with the ladyfriend afterwards.

Spanish

Taking a moment to recognize my progress in Spanish (it still blows my mind), it’s incredible that I can read in Spanish. I remember last fall trying and stopping so many times to read books of various levels in Spanish. Goes to show: keep persevering and you’ll get there – I would progress little farther each time I tried a book, but never would finish one. Now, I am reading them fairly easily with only a few words/structures that I don’t understand (and I highlight those). I’ve finished 2 books in Spanish, but I’ve attempted to read 10 books – but those 10 don’t bother me. I have 2 down and more to go! Focus on the success

Ladyfriend/Emotionality

I saw my ladyfriend yesterday – we just walked around a new area with a park and talked. I keep growing so much in this. I know the traditional advice of abundance and neediness is to keep putting yourself out there, but I feel that I’ve grown a lot working through those feelings and telling my ladyfriend those (because I feel that I have nothing to lose) all the while we are label-less.

This is my first label-less non-relationship (of over 5 months now), so this continues being new. I’m breaking all the so-called “advice” of not: talking emotions/feelings, seeing each other too much, going on more serious dates, talking about us seeing other people, JEALOUSY, letting her lead (but only sometimes), etc. Really – it’s an experiment in how honest and imperfect I can be with someone, and she appreciates the hell out of it.

She kept telling be yesterday how healthy she feels this is, how much she has learned from me (me setting the example of navigating these emotional talks honestly), and I swear she just get hornier from all this. For me, this is putting into practice what we preach here. I had read quite a number of Polyamory books back in the day, and although idk if I’m “polyamorous”, I can see the point some of these books were making (because I’m living them now). I talked to her about my own neediness, us liking each other, the Mother Therese idea: “I’m here to love you not to fix you” and communicating expectations with her that I hadn’t previously, etc.

It blows my mind how honest I can be and break the fourth wall at times with here, and we only keep growing closer. I feel this experience is countering a lot of unhelpful ideas I previously had like: I can’t be completely honest/upfront/vulnerable with a woman – she’ll only hurt me or take advantage of me, I can’t tell her I’m feeling needy, hurt, sensitive, etc. – she’ll think less of me. I think much of this boils down to how comfortable I am with myself – I care less in how she judges me and care more in how I judge (or love rather!) myself.

I know I am becoming better and better – and I’m excited to meet more wonderful ladies to add to my life. Being on the same team and adding a lot of value to my life have been great. Ok, my rant there might have been a little redundant at times, but hey, I like to get these thoughts out. I think I’m going to voice journal to clean these up a little.—