Feeling Great And Excited About Big Wins
5 minute read
What’s up peeparonis. I’ve been sleeping better these last few days and have felt A LOT better: emotionally, mentally, physically, etc. I was a bit stressed/worried over the immigration stuff last week that has been at least a 2 month project (of reading, researching, traveling, documents, interviews, going to appointments, etc.). In the grand scheme of things, Mexico is an easier country to take care of these things, but navigating it all by myself, for the first time, and completely in Spanish was a lot. I am super proud of myself for doing it AND now I feel a lot better for having accomplished it (especially when many others hire facilitators/lawyers to do it for them).
For the nearer term, my old roommate (Mexican student) and I have decided to get our next apartment together. I’ll move another couple of times, but I am excited to get a place with him. Although I thought I wanted to live alone, really I just need my private time every now and then. Mexico is a much better experience when you have local friends, and my old roommate and I are like brothers – I love that mofo. I would be insane to not try to be roommates again (we’ve had a lot of fun together and he has taught me an incredible amount about many things).
My date went well yesterday. I wasn’t interested in her romantically, but she’s a cool person. I think we’re both better off as friends, but I’m not closing any doors yet. We already made more plans to get Korean food together, have her take me to a tianguis for miches, and maybe go salsa dancing together. Keeping it low expectations, but it was good to remind myself and give myself permission to just enjoy my presence with someone. I very much had a wonderful day yesterday because of her. And although she speaks English fluently, we talked completely in Spanish – my best “performance” so far as in it was incredibly easy for me to talk about ANYTHING with her not in my native language. Super proud of myself.
THOUGHTS on being a foreigner:
Can’t remember if I’ve noted them here before or not, but being a foreigner is a very different experience, especially when the country is fairly different than “western” ones. Although I don’t want to exaggerate Mexico as being SUPER different, it is different enough, and I’ve had a lot of feelings surrounding this and not belonging here.
Lately with obtaining my residency stuff, I’ve been introduced to more of the idea of not belonging here (but not from my own thoughts but from others) since I am now the colonizer, gentrifier, etc. BUT this has been great. I think lately I’ve also been in a better headspace to handle all this as well. This pressure, regardless if it’s true or negative, has indeed helped push me to be a better part of the community here. I have dedicated an incredible amount of time, money, and effort to master the language, experience important parts of the culture (food, dancing, historical sites, etc.), and be more mentally resilient than ever before (aka so what someone doesn’t want me here – I WANT to be here).
I have lived in the “gringo” parts and not I’ve been slowly breaking myself out of my foreigner bubble/social circle and working to engage more with local strangers to be a more positive example (simple things as saying hello or helping a guy today with his Internet at the cafe).
My ladyfriend has expressed some of these negativities to me, and to be honest, I was giving her a pass because: haha it’s a joke, we’re romantically involved, I don’t wanna start conflict, etc. BUT I realized this was nice guy behavior. I finally told her to stop calling me these names after she invited me out on a date.
Again idc if these things are true or if they’re her beliefs – I take it as disrepect, it’s negative, and am not dealing with that from someone close to me. We’re probably - fine, but we’ll stay tuned to see what happens from this because she’s very politically motivated, and I am not tolerating this stuff from her.
Again, this was a great experience to remind me to not let pussy/love/whatever blind me from these things – especially after having had to dealt with this from my exwife. There was a flower vender saying some similar xenophobic stuff to me yesterday while on my date (my date was shocked and more upset than me; I just laughed because it was borderline poetic what he said to me), so I suppose it’ll be a part of my life here.
For strangers, seems like laughing or shaking it off is the best strategy –I’ve been in arguments here before as well, and I would just rather not be like that.
All that said, it only has made me stronger and more motivated to be the BEST MEXICAN GRINGO down here – and plenty of people have told me the same (maybe I should start screenshotting the positive messages for my own motivation). It has also made me more empathetic to what other foreigners go through (and believe me, I’m going through “nothing” compared to the poor immigrants that go to the US or other groups throughout the history of the world).
I’m super blessed and man it’s a totally different thing to read/think these things than it is to experience it (and again, I’m hardly experiencing discrimination compared to others).
I am not a victim – am a lover of people and life. Anyways, thanks for your patience in reading all this whoever you are. Not making any of this political or whatever; just super interesting to have these experiences and live this life.