Date From My Party

Well, this is sort of not so humble brag, but I kind of hooked up with a chick that came to my party. The setup was fucked too, so I didn’t have sex with her, but we fooled around with some basic domming and the vibrator to make her squirm and come. Allegedly she wants to come by again this week when we’re not both drunk, she doesn’t have a curfew from her mom (lol), and there’s not 40+ people in my house banging on my door and chanting my name while I’m trying to get in the mood. We’ll see – these younger ones are like trying to catch house flies and they all have anxiety and are lost and all that. Kinda a mess, but I guess I was too when I was that age.

Edit

I forgot to mention that we did talk for 3 hrs last night and have previously talked a lot about love, sex, dating, pains, family, etc. In that sense, we’ve done the usual stuff that I like for connection. The big problem is we’ve only really talked while drunk. God I hate drinking so much. The older I get the more it fucks me up and ruins some experiences for me. I like a nice beer every now and then, but beyond that, drinking kills my mood and emotions it seems. My best friend pointed out something similar, so I should shut up and limit myself to 1 drink at most when I’m talking with women. I’ve already learned this lesson before getting high and drunk with a different chick down here. Maybe I seem to drink more when I’m around these types because they’re usually less put together (I don’t want to say crazy, but maybe just less stable).


All that said, the experience was great, and I’ve been eyeing her for quite some time, but I also haven’t been much in the mood for sex over the last month. Even with improved mood, internal peace, diet, sleep, and overall most everything else, I haven’t felt like much of a sexual man. I realize that I don’t want to go for sex as much when I’m in these sorts of states. Feeling like a huge goober and craving more “connection” than sticking my wiener in someone. I guess we’ll see how I keep progressing. None of this is bad, and I’ll try to practice just accepting this as it is without worrying too much


Update - Reflection

NOTE: This below section is from my other journal. I figured why not toss it up here… some info my be duplicated from above, but is overall better organized

I was not comfortable enough to have sex with her while we were both drunk, she had a hard time constraint (that added to her anxiety), and my house party kept cockblocking me in many ways.

Things that did not go well

  • Drunk: We have really only talked while drunk, and during this interaction, we were both very drunk. I have erection issues after 1 drink (and probably had 5+ in this night as well as having smoked earlier in the day)
  • Logistics: We were at a big party at my house, but people kept cockblocking me while we were talking and when we tried to fuck by knocking on the door and chanting my name (pretty funny looking back on it)
  • Comfort: I think I’m learning that my own comfort routine to have good, relaxed sex is to go on a date, talk, have at most 1 drink, and then fool around without expectations. Generally, the first time for sex is not enjoyable for me, and I have some anxiety about not having a good erection (aka I hate ONS).

Things I did well

  • Communication: We talked about love, sex, dating, pains, family, etc. I love these comfort building topics for my own sake, and these allow me the chance to DHV myself by showing a lot of life experience, learning from it, and positively appreciating all the good and bad.
  • Sex/BDSM Routine: My basic sex/BDSM skills are pretty good. I do a lot of eye contact, take them the bed, relax them with makeouts or massages, strip them off while leaving my clothes on, enjoy their body for my own pleasure (usually tit sucking, oral, neck choking, hair pulling), and use some sort of toy: vibrator, paddle, restraints, blindfold, etc. I am comfortable with this setup, and although basic to me, it sets me apart from most other men.
  • Separating Us from Cockblocking: When everyone else kept bothering us while trying to talk (aka comfort build), I moved her out to the patio and rooftop to give us privacy. This was key because otherwise, I would not have had a chance with her.
  • No Expectations/Pressure: Even with some of the logistical problems, I took a lot of pressure of by leading and telling her we can just fool around without expectations. I consider this better than delaying sex for better logistics when that opportunity might not come.

Things I could have done better

  • Drunk: 1 drink max for dates and no drugs (no cannabis). In my defense and excuse, I was at my own big house party and had no solid idea that she was even coming.
  • General Sex Anxiety: New sex partners always give me some of sort anxiety about my erection. Practicing relaxation, grounding, and meditation could help me and her a lot – I should make this as a part of my 1st sex routine
  • Time Constraints: Next time I have a date with a time constraint, I should get her or me to set alarm, so we do not have to keep checking the time. This added more stress than I realized in the moment.
  • We/Us Frame: This is similar to my previous points, but leading and taking action for our benefit as well as taking the pressure off could be a great way for me to relax.

Final Comments

This was my first real date and sex attempt after my exGF, and that’s why I am in a weird emotional headspace. I felt very rusty and somewhat insecure and nervous. I thought of my exGF quite a bit during this interaction – I think I am still hurt and emotional after her leaving.

Regardless, I am very proud of myself for working through all this and taking this interaction as far as I wanted to go (I set my own boundary for comfort). I don’t regret being with her.

I enjoy being with a beautiful women, and she is nearly a perfect archetype match for me (except she does not have tattoos yet). I am noticing that my perfect “attraction” archetype, which is the emo, dyed-hair, piercing, tattoos, etc. type, is not necessarily a good relationship, long-term, or stable/ongoing partner match for me. I think I work better with cute nerds than unstable emo/goth chicks for more serious arrangements (aka connection). Luckily, she only wants something casual, but I know that likely is not entirely true and is a defense mechanism given her history.—