Emotional Week

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  4 minute read  

I had a solid yet emotional week in some senses – all good, just practicing being more comfortable with my own emotions. School started back this week – new level, harder Spanish, new people, missing some old ones, feeling settled in, feeling new all over again, etc.

Next Mission: deep emotional convo by whatever means with GF because I need it – no further expectations. Also, keep doing what I’m doing

Actions

  • I kept to my schedule and woke up at 0630 or earlier every day of the week – today I woke up at 7am but I’ll let it slide for a Saturday
  • Worked out Mon-Fri: run in neighborhood or at calisthenics park – it’s easier and still very hard with the altitude. I felt a lot better having stuck to it regardless
  • I’ve kept up with week one of my school assignments, finished some early, and continue to work on my Spanish study guides for myself – daily Spanish of listening and/or Duolingo has been great supplemental practice for my hearing
  • Signed up for guided tour to Michoacán w/GF
  • Still eating a lot of junk food (hunger went up a lot given my week of working out), but I’m still in good shape and even made some meals for myself (and am trying to sub snacks for fruit+yogurt combo). My breakfast and lunches are healthy just not always my snacks or dinner

Emotionally

I felt pretty needy and vulnerable when I first moved here in Mexico. A lot of that went away after the first 2 weeks, but I’m back on my “man-period” and feeling those again. I realize that I am emotionally unfulfilled with my GF since we struggle to communicate in our common language of Spanish, and she will permanently move back to Korea in Dec. I am going to attempt to have a deep emotional conversation with her and use Google Translate if I need to. This is one of those things that I don’t really care the outcome but more of I just need to get it out. We only have a bit more time together, so what I do have to lose? I was upset last night about the whole thing, but today I’m thankful and just happy to have all these experiences.

This also leads me again into the never-ending question of what I want out of a relationship. I realize that until my Spanish gets better, these deep, emotional conversations that I crave will be hard. Moving here to Mexico, I’ve not been able to have those conversations aside from the occasional call with my friends back home. I am missing intimacy and connection. It’s funny to say that the day after mercilessly ravaging my GF to the point she was absolutely soaked – we are so sexually compatible that I forgot the emotional side of things. Good lesson to keep in mind… I am still searching. Here’s to the journey

Reflecting on My Man Date

I reflected with one my good friends (on a man date lol) here about how terrible this year could have been for me ==> BUT IT’S BEEN KICKASS. It has been sad and has had a lot of challenges, but it’s incredible where I am now. I am living in Mexico, making new friends, went from only ever being with my ex to way more ladies in 8 months while being in and out of jobs, living situations, getting divorced, being all over the place mentally, etc. This emotional roller coaster has given me more life so far this year than ever before. I have grown so much and have more to continue growing. Even with lower days, the journey is enjoyable – and I always remember that these “low” days are short compared to my chill or high days.

Mini-Accomplishments

These are less noteworthy and not always directly related to my goals, but they are important for me to recognize:

  • Been using all my tech in Spanish for 1+ year at this point
  • Switched everything to metric units (km for fitness watch, Celsius for weather, etc.)
  • Been way more direct and honest than ever before
  • Mentally practicing thinking of everyone as my friend rather than my enemy – sometimes harder when walking around the streets