Hot And Crazy Date And Good Blazed Thoughts
5 minute read
I had my date with the hot [crazy] emo/bimbo MILF yesterday. No W – TLDR; she has herpes and refuses to have sex on the first date without having that convo (she didn’t tell me until I walked her to her car). On the one hand, I appreciate it; on the other hand, IDGAF – would’ve def smashed. She’s super bratty, libtarded, kinky, funny, etc… honestly probably too much for me to handle, but… this feels like a second chance in a lot of ways. I know that I can grow a lot as a dominant, confident man being around someone like this. On the flip side, she will probably ruin my life without strong boundaries on my end.
These are definitely crazy thoughts, but I know that I won’t grow with some normal girl – and I don’t like normal anyway. One like this will really challenge my masculinity frame (which is what I need and have a lot of growth left in). Luckily, this challenge we won’t be living together and married, so I believe in myself to handle and grow from it properly. We’re planning to meet up again soon, but IDGAF if we do. I’ll try, but I won’t beg: plain and simple. <– This was an epiphany feeling… I’m less hung up on her than previous chicks… it comes with practice and experience I suppose
She’s got all the great red flags that I like. I am definitely toxic… considering normal, mild-mannered girls don’t do much for me and then a crazy hot one like this makes me have wild thoughts. For entertainment purposes, here’s a collection of random flags that are simultaneously worrisome and incredibly attractive to me:
RED FLAGS (HOT)
- has a butthole and vagina tattoos – ofc she showed me pics as well
- has a kid from her high school, teenage pregnancy – father not in the picture at all
- talks about wanting to peg and finger me – idk why all libtarded women seem to be into this shit. Probably something to do with feminism and dominating men
- VERY politically leftwing (aka “libtarded”) – luckily I have 9 years of experience with these types
- told me she loves being choked and slapped HARD (in the face)… i’m sure there’s some trauma somewhere LOL
- will likely manipulate or dominate me if I have a weak frame
- has herpes but really who doesn’t? – allegedly no outbreaks according to her
GREEN FLAGS (NOT HOT BUT NOT INSANE AS I THOUGHT)
- is an actually caring mom
- has a stable job (restaurant bartender like me)
- owns her house
- wants to fuck and do kinky shit
- very open-minded** (about certain things, but I definitely won’t have to walk on eggshells around her)
- emo and becoming slowly bimbo with lip injections, laser treatments, maybe already has fake tits? (i forgot i like the bimbo aesthetic)
- has a fetish for gingers (my 2nd match this week too – ginger boy summer?)
Fortunately, I got blazed after the date and had some excellent epiphanies – not thought-wise but feeling-wise (thoughts are ephemeral but feelings cultivate the mindset):
- I need more growth in my confident, masculine frame… I also “felt” this more (hard to explain: not just a thought but a feeling that I can be this confident masculine man that I want to be – I feel this confident man in me)
- I know more than ever what I want out of these interactions and IDC if I burn them – being a masculine man is closing those loose ends and knowing that I have options
- Closed the loop with the old mall emo chick. She said “im not interested” anymore, so I told her “Thanks all the best” and deleted all the shit. She’s super cool, and I don’t feel hung up on her anymore. Closure is great (especially when it’s reciprocated)
- Still super proud of myself for leading these “dates”, physically escalating on all of them (that I’m attracted to), and making my intentions clear: I want sex and connection. I’m slowly feeling less ashamed of being a man that wants sex… and feeling more confident and cool with it. I also am getting more confident to ask and figure what the hang ups are if they come up… better than me trying to guess a million different things. In the future, I feel more confident to drop a date that does not simply meet my desires
Thumb
Healing slowly… thumb stiff as fuck. It’s almost scabbed over and not leaking anymore (gross). Still can’t do much with it, but glad it hasn’t turned black and fell off LOL
Working
- Been working my computer job at about ~20hrs/wk. Feels good to put myself into something again.
- I’m going to attempt to bartend (probably more barbacking and support) this weekend with my fucked up hand. I plan to set a boundary and tell everyone to help me out as well as level expectations of what I can do. No – I will not try to work to hurt myself or get liquor into my open wound – my health is more important than the stupid job and unfortunately the US has some of the worst protections when it comes to working and labor things like this. Thankfully I’m part-time and don’t need the job, so they can get bent if they try to make me do some shit I don’t want to