Date Update Analysis Insights Questions For Myself
7 minute read
Mostly busy with bartending, date earlier today, and bartending again tomorrow.
The “date” went incredibly well, but we didn’t do anything – not for failure of trying though but respecting her communicated boundary. That being said, I’m not terribly upset about it. I learned a lot (all positive really). Also had a lot of that nice validation that I cringe to admit but still surely appreciate nonetheless. I feel the progress has been coming.
I picked up my 22 yo 4'9" petite emo Latina from her work – she’s everything I could have asked for. I know I’m looking at her thru rose-colored glasses, but hey, first impression went well. I am very larger than her (HOT), her hair was a faded blue, she wore all black (favorite color) yoga pants and a boob top thing (sorta like a crop top that covers the boobs but doesn’t attach at the shoulders or neck – HOT), nice makeup, super bubbly personality, and talked with a cute sorta ghetto Latina accent (Texas bros will probably understand). We had no problem talking, she was very chatty (kinda ADHD spastic but not annoying and less all over the place), and we did well on the car ride to our spot.
I took her to the nice, rich part of town to hit a bar and walk around – very scenic, next to river, clean, etc. We both stuck out like a sore thumb – not many “dark” dressed or darker-skin people there, tattooed, pierced, etc. and I loved it. She was definitely catching a lot of looks and so was I. I’m really starting to lean into this weird exhibitionist thing I got going on with being gawked at – but that’s another topic for another day. I got us drinks, and then we complained about how bad they were. I guided her to a bench, we sat next to each other, talked, smoked, and I did a slow escalation (mostly just facing each other, knees touching, and strong eye contact). She talked a bit.
I then guided her to some lighted water fountains, where we faced each other, and I grabbed her hand and held it. I’d then hold her sides while looking at some of her IG posts. She was receptive and really kept holding my hand. I told her “Hey I have a cool guitar song that I’ve been learning that I want to show you” to get us back to my place (I never touch my guitar when I use this line LOL). We held hands, and she complained we weren’t holding hands properly – she wanted us to interlock fingers.
We get back to my place, and I keep the escalation slow – maybe a bit too slow, but hey, I’m learning ya know? I give her a tour, and then we lay on my beanbag and cuddle. We keep talking, laughing a lot, and then I get us to move to my bed. We talk more while holding hands, and I asked if she liked massages. I massage her shoulders and then lean in to smell her neck and start kissing it. She responds well, I turn her around, talk more, and then I just go in for a kiss. We kiss a lot, I find her “sweet spot” – right earlobe, get some soft moans, and grind on her with my boner.
At this point, she says she’s not a “sex on the first date” sort of girl – not totally surprised, but I told her I respect that decision. The remainder of the night we’d make out, nibble her sweet spot, massage her tits, etc. – THE WORKS. I’m pretty sure I creamed my pants again, but that’s all good. I suppose it’s nice to have a hot date like this where we vibe super well, can be intimate, and it doesn’t necessarily have to end in sex (though I would’ve wanted it to). Life is one big experiment and a practice.
We talked about going on a date again soon. She complimented me a lot: big arms/muscles, how easy I am to vibe/talk with, my style/tattoos/piercings, how great of a dude I am (a little hard to paraphrase but basically most other dudes these days are needy/weak/mean/aggressive/inconsiderate/don’t listen/etc.), best date she’s been on, etc.
I understand now that it felt a little premature to ask the “what are you looking for” question, but she had been pretty receptive to my honesty and vulnerability for the whole night. She wants “love” and eventually a true relationship (didn’t clarify that in the moment, but this could mean many things). She asked me what I wanted, and I answered honestly: “I have no idea” – I am open to about anything since I just got out of a LTR. She seemingly responded well to this, but it’s always hard to tell if this works in my favor or not. To be honest, I don’t care. I would rather be truthful and vulnerable [in this moment] than play some game. We either work out or we don’t – I have more options waiting.
That being said, I really enjoyed my night. I haven’t really taken a woman on a date in MANY YEARS (not counting my ex obvs). Thankfully, it seemed to work well, and she really liked it. I appreciate her not being demanding or expecting anything (like food or drinks) but being very kind. I didn’t feel like I was just a drink ticket to explain my feelings better – she sincerely enjoyed being in my presence.
Lessons Learned/Room for Growth
I’ll probably add more as I recount them, but here’s what I got –
- I need to sexualize more in my speech AFTER she’s comfortable. I’m bad at saying “damn you’re hot or sexy or I love your ass” or something along those lines… I’ve been relying on my physical touch, but I think impactful “light” dirty talk could help my escalation a lot.
- Dates don’t have to end in sex to be a win… I felt good about this one. I hope we see each other again, but I am okay with the date as it was.
- I really love the dark/emo/alt/y’allternative whatever the fuck you wanna call it look. Black/dark colors, tattoos, piercings, metal/hard music, etc. If I wanted to fall for a type, she hit a lot of that as well as having a cute accent, being Latina, friendly/affectionate/motherly/caring, feminine, straightforward, etc.
- I’m pretty good at physical escalation, but basically re-emphasize to myself that women love it when done properly (and properly will depend on the individual woman and vibe)… I’ve gotten 3 different women to moan at some point on the first date, which still blows my mind since I always thought that was some shitty Hollywood cliche. I can tell my looks/SMV as well as expert physical escalation are surprisingly good. I had expected to struggle more with this, but I’m also happy that it has been easy for me. Coming out of my 9 year LTR, I am very adept on the backend of a relationship or date, but I’m not good with the whole approach or matching side [yet].
Questions for Myself
I noticed that I sorta feel “in love” after tonight, which made me realize… that I need to ask myself some of my own boundaries. I thought I only wanted sex, but I also knew that intimacy and connection are important as well. What does that look like or mean to me?
- What do I really want? Don’t know and I don’t know if I will know soon
- What am I able to accept? – Relationship, on-going, one-night stand, situationship [new word for me from tonight], no sex, only sex, etc. ?
- What am I willing to sacrifice? – Exclusivity, current lifestyle, not moving out of the country, etc. ?
- What can I absolutely not do? – Get married, have kids, tolerate controlling/manipulation, etc. ?
Welp, I need rest. I’m covered in [her] glitter, I can still smell her perfume, and I’m ready to go the fuck to sleep. I feel very blessed that barely a month really getting into the dating apps, I found someone I’d consider (keyword: consider) a relationship with barring any serious red flags. I don’t even necessarily think we’d work out long-term, but I’m sure we’d have a lot of fun, she’s hot/cute, and man why not give it a go?