Date Update And Lessons Learned
7 minute read
I’m going to bed soon since I have double work tomorrow (computer job + guitar lessons + bartending). Lots of LOLs here because I’ve laughed and learned a lot tonight.
The “date” tonight was good. Almost worthy of a breakdown, but she was super into me (consistently telling me over text and in-person how “sexy” and “handsome” I am) though almost backed out last minute due to some stomach issues (later found out it was partly her period). I called her and set her straight, so we skipped the bar and she came straight to me. We chilled and vibed really well and one thing led to another (she even later said she didn’t come to my place with the intention of sex LOL). She’s super cool, open-minded, smiley/happy, “kink-friendly”, etc. – will probably see each other more since she’s only in town temporarily for work.
I had a few insights, but I want to highlight/re-emphasize them here for myself. I asked her some questions, and we let each other look at our Tinders. I don’t think she really cared about mine, but I offered mine so I could see hers. In no particular order, coming from that conversation and Tinder look:
- You as the man have to lead the interaction… don’t be pushy/needy, but she would have just sat and talked with me the whole time (her words), if I had not made the moves.
- MANY/MOST/ALL? women can be turned on AFTER an appropriate level of COMFORT and given a baseline ATTRACTIVENESS – she thought I was hot, I made sure she knew there were “no expectations”, I took time to chill and slowly escalate
- Having not really ever used condoms and being circumcised have been a challenge for the ole boner, but it doesn’t matter… BECAUSE using the ole Doxy (English Magic Wand) and doing enough foreplay/oral/clit stimulation has been enough for lots of moaning, shaking, and orgasming – she said she had “an amazing time :)”. I’m pretty sure I came in my pants before they even came off LOL
- On Tinder, damn near all dudes look better than me, are taller, have hair, tonight’s date was taller than me, etc. BUT those dudes fucking suck at: communicating/texting, being overly needy/aggressive/boring, saying the same shit the other dudes say (e.g. “hi hows your evening”), having shitty pics, and probably shit at fucking/pleasing a woman. Most importantly, women (even if they’re DTF?) don’t really like being expected to have sex… You help them get comfortable enough, and if they’re at your place, then there’s a 99.9% chance they want to fuck. It’s your game to lose by not empathizing with her emotions and mindset aka warming her up properly. Also point being, enough self-improvement cures a lot of our flaws or insecurities (I constantly list mine because they slowly bother me less and less as I realize they don’t really matter)
- Women have an insane/overwhelming amount of options on these apps, but thankfully most dudes suck so bad the women have no intention of meeting them – she even said she’s on Tinder to talk shit and laugh LOL. She showed me one convo where it was going okay and then the dude admits he’s married (wtf why?)… needless to say that ended. I think we all know she’s on Tinder for sex/love/whatever, but in the meantime, yes she will make fun of these cringe dudes
- Kudos to “Golden Zones” i.e. the ear lobe, neck, or clavicle is almost guaranteed to be a spot that will just make a woman moan and lose herself (after enough foreplay of course). One may like her neck (specifically choking) kissed/squeezed. Another might like the ear lobe. Both moaned and would start shuttering/breathing hard every time I hit “the spot” in the “Golden Zone” usually just by kissing it/breathing on it. Almost an involuntary response
- Protip for the mindset: your boner can fail and you can still have the woman coming back for more (esp. with the right toys, foreplay, getting her off, and framing it confidently – I just say I was in my head or I haven’t used condoms in a decade due to previous LTR), it’s okay to suck, nothing is perfect, and just in general the Doxy and BDSM kit recommendations
- A point worth repeating: most women have not been fucked properly (usually foreplay and clit stimulation to orgasm). My last two have said the ole “It’s been a while since I’ve felt that good” sort of thing. Kinda sad to me, but I guess I’m happy to help and be a positive change for the community LOL
If I remember anything else, I’ll add it
Unrelated, I got offered money to do a photoshoot (first time ever). Again, kudos for inspiring me to buy a camera and shoot some pics every now and then.
Here’s to a busy weekend and a future of progress and improvement boys. Keep it up
UPDATE
I remembered another insight. I rarely had issues with keeping my boner without a condom. Back to the issue of losing a boner when using a condom (again, I’ve not used them for nearly a decade in a relationship and rarely at all at that)… I read that because “it’s just all in yer head duh” (somewhat but not entirely true). Well, the sage advice was:
- rub a drop of lube on your head (glans) before putting the condom on (to increase some sensitive/skin contact)
- get your lady to put on the condom for you (so you’re less stressed or focused on it)
- BONUS: my own advice is try to keep your underwear on until you’re ready to put the condom on and insert. I can keep a boner for days in underwear (especially athletic, compression shorts), but it will quickly go away if said boner isn’t inserted into something quickly… I like to think of this as a “center stage” moment that we’ve all been waiting for. Maybe, these silly thoughts are why I can’t keep a boner with a condom LOL
This is relevant because the solution hinges on your girl to know how to put a condom on. Well, this one claimed she had never put one on a dude… in the moment, I did it myself because thinking about this further would have irritated me. That said, I had to give her a quick lesson, and we had no issues after that…
UPDATE #2
Another insight was regarding seeing the same girl more than once. I thought that just giving them a good time would take care of the retention on its own. Well, lemme say:
I got the first girl to squirt on my bed and give me the “I haven’t felt that good in a long time” line just to have her disappear.
Where I think I could improve is suggesting the idea of the next meetup at the end of the date – scheduling not necessary, but letting her know that we should do this again. With the first one, we cuddled, did aftercare, and even did some relationship cards (“Let’s get Deep: After Dark Edition”), but she still just disappeared…
Second chick, I primed her with the idea before she left. She was receptive and was even responsive to my later text messages (I was texting her about buying more sex toys, and she helped me pick out one: the “slut” paddle LOL). Anyways, she seems interested.
Both chicks were 30 or 32, open-minded/hippie/whatever, orgasmed, told me the “I haven’t felt that good in a long time” line, etc… but I also think it just happens. Rejection, flaking, and not retaining (even with sex or orgasm) just happen man.