Quick Well It Ended Up Not Really Being Quick
5 minute read
A quick update – I can normally tell if my mood is down by how much dark chocolate I crave. I haven’t overdone it, but I had 3 pieces today. This is compared to other days where I won’t have any OR some days were I’ll eat a whole bark. It feels good to admit that, recognize it, and stop before just totally engorging myself like I normally would.
I’m a little down today… dating apps and flakes are hurting my ego. GOOD. Although irritating, painful, hurtful, etc. this is good. I need to feel the struggle a little when I am seeking this validation. I am seeking the validation because I am not wholly/mostly healed on the inside. THAT’S OKAY. I want to be incredibly negative today, and although I feel it, I won’t let negativity be the only thing that I feel.
Instead of a normal “WINS” section, I’ll do a positive section to remind myself what I can be positive and grateful for. This life and struggle are meant to be a challenge. I have a wonderful life compared to many more people, and I like to remind myself of that. Being a man isn’t being a bitch. Even on my tough days, I can admit it AND set the vibe for others.
Remember: This Process Will Strip You Down and Force You To Confront Your Real Issues
- “It will bring your problems the surface and force you to kill them if you want to continue to progress.” <– Yep
- “It seems that most psychological issues are dealt with by ’talking about it’ and ’thinking about it,’ to produce a temporary state of relief. It doesn’t last. You will literally need to reprogram your brain and thought processes.” <– Talk is cheap
- “You should probably only hang out with successful people anyway. Success is contagious. And So is mediocrity. Stay away.” <– a big motivator for why I want to move “My advice is to understand, accept, embrace and overcome the issues that pop up. Be honest with yourself. Truth is, you may not know what your issues are. You might have more than you thought. You might have less.” <– First step is recognizing and feeling these issues. I am currently in this phase
- “I don’t want to scare people or make this seem any harder than it is. We both know that’s usually only half the story. The fight is worthwhile. To win, you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to believe in yourself. Your dreams are important.” <– Absolutely
POSITIVES:
- Catfish coffee date today went well. I knew she wouldn’t look anything like her pictures, but she’s a sweet, hurt person like many of us are. We had a fun time shooting the shit, and I hope that I was able to hype her up a little bit. I was definitely feeling a bit more emotional today, but it also felt nice to have a “date” where I didn’t feel stressed or anxious about the outcome (because I knew I wasn’t interested in the end). Even though I am more emotional today, I was easily able to set the vibe and give her a calm role model to relax and open up to. This is good practice for life.
- I’m still talking to some other options and lining up some dates… I’m just frustrated that I don’t get a quick response sometimes. This is a me problem. Other women are likely busier than I am and me checking my phone every few mins isn’t really helpful. I turned my phone off and hid it from myself to give it a break for the rest of the day. I want love, touch, affection, intimacy, etc. and it hurts when I don’t easily have it. GOOD. This will make me cherish it when I do as well as give myself the love that I crave.
- Meditated twice this morning, and I felt a lot better… more emotional too (or aware of it), but I didn’t feel so bad afterwards
- I have wonderful friends that love and care about me. They reach out to know how I’m doing. I am incredibly blessed.
- I got my new bike… unfortunately it’s raining, but it gives me something to look forward to on a sunny day
- Finally, I’ll probably need to cry at some point today. I don’t need this often, but I felt the need to do it this morning. I must be on my meriod or something LOL Crying doesn’t necessarily always make me feel better, but I can give it a go.
I think a big reason why I am so emotional today is a lack of decisive action. I am playing to NOT LOSE, which is a loser’s mindset. I need to take some action to RISK the chance to WIN. I would rather WIN every now and then than always LOSE. I know that I have been avoiding some actions that I need to take. I feel better in motion than in meditation (definitely ripped that off from somewhere).