Good Day Some Anger And Realiztions
5 minute read
I had a pretty good day today. I got mad over something that I can’t mention here, but a good workout helped chill me out. Feeling my anger more and acting it out in a positive manner has been good for me (instead of repressing it like I previously did).
Why “we” Aim for Improvement and Confidence Here
I had a realization that sounds obvious here, but something that I finally felt today. After hanging out with my coworkers (restaurant servers), I really realized why we all preach self-improvement here. I liked them more before I hung out with them because now I understand how much of a liability they are to my life and success. Most (all?) of them are young, aimless, on drugs, don’t sleep, unambitious, very immature, etc… and at my age, this is very taxing, boring, or irritating. Especially as I said previously, I don’t feel like I can talk to or connect with them. They are almost NPC-like… maybe it’s age, immaturity, or whatever, but I have an aversion to them. These people are losers – not in a mean way – but in a way that could drag me down fast: I could be sad, sleep terribly, neglect myself, medicate with drugs, say nothing of importance or seriousness… I am assuming here, but I feel that they do not value their life as something to live, love, enjoy, and appreciate. I say that as someone who was there at one point too, but I no longer am. I will not jeopardize myself or my life.
All that said, I realized that this made some of these people who I was previously attracted to become absolutely unattractive. Then I realized what we preach here. Why the hell would I want to date or be with them in their current state? – and vice versa: if I was that way, then why the hell would anyone want to be with me? Although a hyperbolic generalization, losers are not attractive. They could be dangerous – and accidentally or unpurposefully so. I hope for their souls that they find this world and life worth living, but in the meantime, I will challenge them. I already challenge one girl about her being high every time she comes into work. I will continue to challenge the others. If you have to live high every day of your life to function – then what about your life makes it so unbearable to live sober? This reminds me of my time in the military. I feel alone in needing to be the one to set the example and lead – because I care about them. And I would live with greater regret for not speaking my mind and challenging them than just being too passive in their debauchery.
And finally, that all relates in dating. Especially as a woman (which I can only imagine), why the fuck would any sane woman put herself in a situation of being around people like that? People that could be a liability to your present, your future, your success, your mental health, your physical health… it’s a lot for me, and I am fairly confident in myself to not tolerate the bullshit: verbally, physically, and mentally. But if I was a woman, I would avoid the losers as much as I could and not test the waters on that.
Onto a lighter note, the daily wins:
WINS:
- walked over 9 miles
- started experimenting with calisthenics routine to train to movements vs. weighted exercises – these kicked my ass but gave me good feedback for where I am starting on the progressions
- regarding stolen bike: filed police report, file insurance claim, already got paid for insurance claim, and I have a new bike coming in this week to be set up like my old one (it would cost the same/more to add everything to the leftover frame due to parts + labor)
- listed some shit including my motorcycle for sale – my moto isn’t reliable, but i’ll miss it when it’s gone. i took one last ride around the neighborhood in case i never ride it again – it’s a symbol/reminder of my past and an anchor to this area. If I want to leave, then I need to lighten my load.
- working on scheduling next tattoo (waiting for confirmation of date/time back)
Question
How did you find women treated you when you were that heavy?
I was in a very committed relationship, so I didn’t look for or put off that energy. That being said, I have felt invisible to women my whole life including at the weight. Only since I have slimmed down in the past 2 months AND worn better clothes (fit/tailored look) have I received more positive attention and interactions from men and women. I definitely sense women look at me more and smile/flirt now.