Giving Myself Credit
7 minute read
I do not believe that I have done anything publicly noteworthy, but I also know that I have a hard time giving myself some credit. This post will mostly revolve around taking a moment to brag about myself within the last few weeks. I am on a good trajectory, and taking time to reflect on my successes can only motivate me further. I may or may not have mentioned some of these already, but I will list all the ones that I have been holding onto.
WINS
- I got myself a smartwatch on 14 March purely for fitness tracking; I do not have any of the other features enabled (like news, weather, notifications). Looking at my March stats (which cover only half the month since that is when I got my watch): I walked and ran a total of 56.80 miles. This has definitely helped my weight loss. I feel like I am walking on a cloud [physically]… I previously had terrible knee and back pain as recent as a couple of years ago coming out of the military.
- Speaking of weight and weight loss, I went from 174lbs in December 2022 to 158lbs as of today (and have stabilized around that weight) at a height of 5'5". I feel way better, friends and acquaintances tell me I look great, and I have a much easier time being friendly and meeting people. I credit this to people being more receptive to me in general due to my improved mental and physical state, which are linked.
- I have journaled a lot over the past 2 months. Not all of those are here, but I write here, in a notebook, locally on my computer, and in Google Keep. I prefer having them distributed like this; I have different reasons and purposes for each journal’s location <– but I am working to put these all online ;)
- I successfully moved downtownish and have a pretty simple yet dope setup. I am very happy with it. I could add more highlights and touches to it (and have some of these written down), but I am super happy with it. Every time I walk into my place, I always feel good and astonished that I live here.
- I read a couple of interesting books. The Truth by Neil Strauss (the same guy that wrote The Game). This was an interesting read so far as open relationships and one man’s struggle with a sex “addiction”, insecurity, and self-love. I just completed No More Mr. Nice Guy last night and completed all 46 exercises (he calls them “Breaking Free Activities”) to varying degrees. Overall, the book is fairly simple, but I related so well with a lot of points that I cringed for myself and hurt. This was a great book to stop being a pushover pussy and motivate me to demand the life that I want in a healthy way.
- I can perform walking and hold handstands… I “held” (with minimal walking) a handstand for almost 10 seconds today. My calisthenics game has improved a lot, and even with the weight loss, my biceps are 15" at 13%-15% BF (down from largest at 16.5" at 20+% BF). We all know big biceps are hot and definitely not something that just the bros admire LOL. I won’t list all my exercises, but my weighted pullups are next level, too. At my peak (before my life turmoil and weight loss), I could do 3x8 pullups with 45lbs. Now, I am doing 3x7 at 25lbs with 3x3 superset of bodyweight. Anyways, slowly working all my calisthenics back to their prime.
- I have slowly been sleeping and eating better <– These 2 issues are my biggest issues that I have had my whole life. I have always had sleep issues since childhood [though they have morphed], but I am currently in treatment for them. Food has always been a way for me, my family, friends, relationships, etc. to show me love. I am working to enjoy healthy food while decoupling this “self-love” mechanism that I have attached to it.
- I have given myself permission to do things that I want to do like: getting my first tattoo, having a lot more planned out, and more piercings… these are things that I have thought about for a decade, but I never thought that I was cool enough to pull them off. Well fuck that, I am doing them now. As a self-rationalization, I make myself write at least 300 words of what a tattoo means before getting it, so I put thought into them – my aesthetic is meant to have some janky looking ones. They are more me than a nice, vapid tattoo. I currently have 1554 words written for my current and future tattoo ideas… so basically a small essay for each.
- Related to the previous point, I have improved my fashion style by experimenting with some new, more fashionable clothes and accessories. Although I still have a lot of room for growth here, I feel and know that I look way better than I did. Little steps every day will improve my style.
- Taking dancing and guitar lessons has been fun. I have no idea if these will be for me long-term, but I have enjoyed them a lot. I am getting a new, good guitar this week to help my practice. I previously had bought a classical guitar, which TL;DR is probably not what you want to start off with as a beginner.
- Talked numerous girls in person and have gotten 6 numbers. Although nothing beyond a few text messages has happened, I never thought that I would have the confidence to talk to attractive women and get their real names and numbers. I have more plans for this in the future, but at the advice of a friend and realization in myself – I am giving this a short break to keep getting in a good headspace. I will keep talking to girls but without an end goal in mind.
- I am blessed to have steady, well-paying, part-time remote work. I am still applying for part-time bartending jobs (12 submitted at this point) to keep me out of the apartment and grow that skill.
- I have made some new friends that are asking me to hang out. Previously, it was like pulling teeth to get my old [boring] friends to hang out. Now, my new, more interesting friends are begging me to hang out. I sometimes have to say “no” because fuck I need sleep. I have not asked to get new-friends’ numbers; they always ask me, which I feel like correlates to some perceived higher value [for me] or something.
Next WINS
- I have teeth whitening in a couple of weeks to up my sexy game.
- I have some more accessories (necklaces, rings, bracelets) coming in to experiment with my look.
- I have more tattoos and piercings for the future.
- I am looking for another part-time, bartending job.
- I am looking to continue leaning out and work on my tan [cursed soulless ginger here] to create that elite body.
- I plan to get a professional facial hair trim for my beardstache-look since I have a hard time visualizing my potential.
- Asked a childhood best friend of mine (who is pretty successful and fit) to help be my accountability/accomplishment buddy. No expectations for this, but this will give me an outlet and motivation to keep going from an IRL friend, too.
Reading my huge list of achievements over the last 2 months-ish makes me feel great. I am also pretty sure that I am autistic** or something with the level of writing that I enjoy doing sometimes.