Going Out A Lot
4 minute read
I am keeping this one short[er], so that I can get back into my personal planning work for today and tomorrow.
Wednesday: I went out to a social discussion group (i.e. drinking and thinking), and I had a wonderful time. I had went a month ago, but I missed the meeting due to making a new friend at the bar. This past meeting, I actually sat in the whole time and made more friends from the folks in the group. They are mostly older, richer, and intellectual types, but some of them are really funny. I met an “older sister” type lady, who was really friendly. I do not look at her as a romantic relationship, but I think she could be a great [female] mentor to me for the time being; super friendly, funny, out-going, etc. She sort of offered this through her being my “older sister” comment, so I will take this as it comes from future meetings. A different, random person at the meeting had a confusing emotional outburst (that would take too long to explain here), but I made more acquaintances/friends through it. I will definitely be back.
Thursday: Another day of guitar lessons, work, and dancing. I saw my new friend at dancing again (met on Tuesday)… he just got out of a bad relationship and definitely fits into the “damaged person” bucket, though I do not mean that in a bad way. I also saw a different dancing friend who had been divorced a year ago and currently in a new, seemingly happy relationship. I think this experience was a good foil – seeing myself in the damaged friend and seeing my future in the now happy friend. I need to keep hope around these sorts of things, keep moving forward, and keep taking action.
Friday: I have a very close friend who has been helping me recently experiment with my clothing style. I am fortunate that he specializes in the “street” look (like is recommended by default here), and he has helped me find fairly inexpensive options. We always start at the expensive clothing stores, find nothing that suits me, and end up at the bargain places (but the places where they sell the name-brand inventory that could not get sold at the big store). It might sound cheap [in a bad way], but I have been really happy with how my style has improved. I feel like I look cooler, sexier, “fuck-boy-ier”, etc. And people have absolutely treated me differently [in a positive manner] due to my presentation and style. Afterwards, I went out for dinner with a different friend and got my second tattoo (first being 2 weeks ago). I previously did not want to get tattoos, but now, I have been enjoying them as an expression of myself. If I could cultive a “street-emo” look (sexy, manly, edgy yet a lot of tattoos or piercings with dark/metal theme), then I think I will find my look. For the last decade, I have “felt” this look inside of me, but I was too poor or too timid to experiment with it. Even if it does not last, I am enjoying giving myself the chance to try it out and have supportive friends who help me with pieces of it.
Saturday (today): I am cleaning up my place and doing a lot of journaling, writing, and thinking. I am going out tonight for bar crawl to make sure I get out of my place, meet more new people, hang with some current friends, and take a break.
Sunday (tomorrow): I am considering just turning my phone off and taking a day for myself. More journaling and thinking would be good to help clear my mind and help me figure out my path forward. I know my #1 single goal/action that I need to take now (it is tough and I cannot mention it here), but I realize that I must follow through with it. If I do not, then I will keep feeling down, low, sad, and anxious until I do so.